One week done, one to go

And I think that it is safe to assume from the looks on their faces that they are having fun. We had a busy weekend with the cousins and friends. Lots of fun was had at the beach and amusment park ( except for the spinny ride that made me ill!) and just spending time together. My sister comes tomorrow with her kids, the rest of the week will be busy with all these monkeys running around.

with apolgies to Mr. C.Moore

T'was the night before Friday when all through the suite, not a creature was speaking,

not even a cheep.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

while visions of peacocks danced in their heads.

I in my nightgown, sat down with a cap (night cap that is) and settled myself in for a long evening nap.

When out in the park there arose such a clatter, I stood from my chair to see what was the matter. A goat stood, right there on the lawn and without much ado

he told me what made him sadder.
His friends had been shorn without any warning and their fleece lay about as if we were suffering global warming
I dreamed of the spinning I could do with that fleece but was called by the children who give me no peace


The goat went away to another friend and the fleece was left for someone else to defend.

(perhaps the very nice dulcimer man who let the boys take a pic with him and entertained us at lunch on the wharf)

we're here

and we are happy, need I say more

adoption

First off thank you for your comments on my last post, I haven't had a chance to respond but I appreciate them. Lyn's memorial will be on Saturday and although I did look into trying to get to the west coast a few days earlier I could not of gone because the boys don't have passports, they don't even have birth certificates with their new last name. So I won't being going.

But I am heading to the coast on Monday for 2 weeks and am looking forward to the smell of the ocean and some time on the island.

Last week I went away for 3 whole days!I stayed in hotel, I ate out, I talked to other adults. It was great, but it wasn't a vacation. I went to do some training to help provide post adoption support in my county. Right now there are no established services for families after adoption and we definitely need some. So I went to take a class to be PRIDE trainer.

PRIDE - (Parent Resources for Information, Development, Education) is a great program that we took before we adopted, it is mandated in the province of Ontario. At the time I found the whole thing to be a bit of a waste of time, but now looking back and reviewing the material again a year later I feel really differently. It's a great program and does teach you a lot about how the system works and what it may be like to be a parent of kids from the system.

One of the movies that you watch during PRIDE is Multiple Transitions, it's great. (You can watch it here or click the link). It talks about the journey children go on as they enter into care and begin to move around. It is a journey my boys went on, it's sad but at the same time a compelling piece.




PS Thanks Lisafor posting the link!

A good Woman

A beautiful woman died today, in fact one of the most beautiful woman I have ever been privileged enough to call family. She was one of those old family friends who your parents talk about with awe, but who you never get to see enough of. She was a strong talented woman who taught me to stand up for myself, to believe in my dreams and reach for the stars.

I was lucky enough to get to see her last year when P and I went to Mexico and I am so glad that I did. We spent a great day cruising through the city and talking about life, love and family.

Lynn sang, oh did she sing and when my brother got married she sang at his wedding. Ever since then this song has made me think of her fondly and wish that she was not so far away. Now I will remember her when I hear it and know that I am privileged to of had her as a part of my life

What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.

random wed - on wed - how novel.

• I'm tired
• We gave one of the dogs away last week. Bella was a sweet girl but if I has known that we were getting boys I never would of kept her last spring when I was selling the rest of the litter. I miss her but it is better and by all accounts she is doing great and happily chasing her new Papa all over the place.
• The boys are having a really hard time with the fact that she left, they are not saying it but showing us with all sorts of brilliant and exhausting ( for me) behaviour.
• I should be making dinner.
• It is really windy today and I keep having to fix the clothes on the line
• Much of the vegetable garden is in, my room can almost stop being a greenhouse.
• I am going to away ( without my boys) next week to do some training to help provide some much needed post adoption support in my county. I am excited.
• We are leaving for Victoria in 18 days - boys are excited - I get exhausted just thinking about them contained in a plane for 6 hours. There is no amount of coffee that can give me the energy I will need that day.
• I am looking very forward to being near my ocean for awhile, I miss my ocean when we are apart and yes it is my ocean, the rest of you can share it if you like but it is mine.
• There has been some knitting on a Tomten jacket I started last summer but I picked up other needles to knit the sleeves and the gauge is looser, I am trying to decide whether to frog the sleeve or just live with it loose.
• I have also been knitting finger puppets and socks that I have also been knitting since last summer.
• I want to be knitting a shawl or something else just for ME!
• JoVE is dangerously close to actually moving here to my end of the world and I am excited to have her around the corner in country terms
• Other fabulous women are planning on moving this way this fall and that really excites me as well.
• School is almost done which excites and terrifies me at the same time. I am done with lunches and homeowrk and teachers.
• It is my nephews 7th birthday today, when did that happen, isn't he still just a little.
• The boys keep harassing me and calling me so I guess that means I really should move on to making something to feed them. THe fresh air diet doesn't seem to be filling up their tummies.
• I got a fabulous mothers day gift from this etsy shop, it's really cute, I also have some of her earrings that say knit and purl. She's local and that makes it even better.
• I'll be back later when my children have been fed a few meals

PS - I mailed my boys someI love you cards this week, it was reallly cute to see their faces when they figured out that I had sent them mail. It wasn't my idea but I'll take the credit.

but we were looking for bugs....

Not sure if you can read that but it 1939, this wall has been here since 1939





The boys decided they should take it apart to look for bugs. They told us it was because they liked to play with rocks and look for bugs.

I think that they have been cured of their need to play with rocks and our garden is a lot less rocky now.

an open letter

Dear Blog,

I am sorry that I have neglected you over the last weeks, things have been very busy. I realize that you require my time and energy to run properly but we are at a point where just about everything requires time and energy from me in order to run smoothly. A girl can only do so many things before she falls into bed at the end of the day and although I appreciate all the great people you have introduced me to and all the friends you have helped me to make you are no match for the garden.

We are heading into the planting season and what little extra time I have is spent getting my hands and feet filthy. I love that it is warm enough to work the earth, that plants are growing and summer is coming. I would rather be outside than in most days and if I am outside I playing with dirt not typing.

So dear blog I am sorry if you are feeling abandoned, I will do my best to tend to you more closely in the coming weeks, although you have to compete with 2 boys who have very busy schedules and a garden who will demand more from me as the summer progresses rather then less. Perhaps you will be happy with pictures, lots of pictures and not to many words.

Thank you for understanding
J.

PS - there has also been some knitting but I didn't want to make you feel too jealous all at once.
PPS - just to remind you that we have been at this for 5 years this month, can you believe it!

Daily Drama

So we try around here to do our part to be more green and energy conscience, we dry our clothes on the line for as long as we possibly can without me losing a digit to frostbite. I am happy to dry my clothes on the line, happy to do a load or 2 each day and walk them to the back of the house and hang them up. Happy to do it as long and the damn clothes pins stop self destructing! Okay I can appreciate that they are inexpensive to begin with and that really there is probably no quality control inspector at the clothes pin factory but seriously to lose that many ( out of a brand new package) in one day all because of a little wind is a bit extreme as far as I am concerned. I will save my rant about my inability to buy more bamboo clothes pins for another day

Upon retrieving the boy from school today the first words out of his mouth...
C: Mom, I got hurt today
Me: I see that, what happened
C: Well I was playing water buffalo's (Water buffalo's what happened to dino's and tigers) at recess and I didn't see N. and I ran into his head with my head.
Me: oh my, is he ok?
C: Yeah I got the worst of it because I was the bigger water buffalo.
This would be the same boy who narrowly and I mean narrowly missed getting his eye poked out by his brother with a stick a few weeks ago, same eye. Good thing Children's Aid knows us already!

and just cause he is so darn cute and was having so much fun.

Helpless

My day has been consumed by something that I must speak of cryptically and as much as I want to make it better it is something that I can do nothing about.

A foster child in my town is in crisis and I want to make it all better. I want to explain to all the people involved that child is acting out because she feels as though she is not being heard. She is trying to get the adults who control her life to say that they will not abandon her. She is screaming at them to leave her and yet that is the last thing that she needs at this point. she is tryign to get people to listen and they are not really listening, well they are listening but just to the wrong things.

She needs those adults to hold her and love her and tell her no matter what she does they will not leave her. They aren't saying that. They are tired and worn out by her behaviour. They love her but are spent by the constant pushing away, she is afraid of attachment, afraid of being loved and they are at the end of their rope. Like most kids with attachment issues she is a master manipulator and is doing an excellent job at winning over people outside her home and convincing them that she is poor and mistreated.

Tragically they (the guardians) are controlled by the system and the system has to investigate the situation. I am unsure as how it will turn out, I know what is in the child's best interest may get over looked because there is only so much people can handle.

I want to make it all better but I am helpless in the situation. I have said my piece to those who would listen and now I have to sit back and watch.... it is very hard to do!

I never do this

I almost never add stuff to my blog from TV or YouTube, it's just not something I do. But I was reading at Woolyheaded this morning and she posted this, I was intrigued

Susan Boyle on Britain Got Talent
by dwarthy

It was amazing, it's always nice to see Simon try to cover his butt. Make sure you have some Kleenex nearby and then show it to your kids - what a lesson!

Spring has Sprung

It has taken awhile but spring is finally here out in the country! We had a great Easter weekend, this is from church on Sunday, Fudge is going through that "can't not make a face stage" - I'll embarrass him with them later in life.

We spent most of Sunday celebrating with friends in the city, it was a great day with tons of great food! Being Ukrainian is always a good thing during the holidays. It was inters ting to watch the boys work out what Easter meant in our house. Fudge had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that we go church for Easter, a lot of church. He kept talking about the chocolate and the Easter bunny. P and I decided to keep the chocolate to a minimum and filled eggs with lego instead. They each got only as much chocolate as they could eat in a day without getting sick and that was the deal, it all had to be gone or it was mine. It also meant that they had to get really early if
they wanted to look for eggs before church - they did and it went well. They were hyper but it was all good and they had a lot of fun.

Calvin discovered that there is no Easter bunny, which is fine with me. He caught me filling eggs one day and the gig was up. We did have to make him stop teasing Fudge though because Calvin just couldn't not tell Fudge that he was naive to believe in such a thing! He did not want to be reminded that just a few short weeks ago he still did. That being said they enjoyed the treats and now that it is over we are back to no white sugar and no candy - life is better that way.

Now that spring is here we are heading in to the garden season. I have things growing in the window upstairs and am dreaming of days in the garden. There are a few things that are already on their way. This is our asparagus patch, I started it last year from seed so we can't harvest from it till next year but I am excited. We are also going to add some more crowns to it this year so that next year we can really enjoy it! ( I had to put my hand in the pic so that you could actually see the plant) We also have some Egyptian walking onions that came from JoVE's house last year, they are well on their as well.

Oh and I didn't even tell you about the narrow misses on Friday, the boys are working on the theory of nine lives - I am sure of it.

The boys came thumping in to the house on Friday afternoon sobbing. Fudge fell and hurt his ankle. Fudge... how did you hurt your ankle? Jumping out of the barn windows he says calmly. The barn "windows" are the second story doors where one would throw the hay out into the barnyard below, it's about 10 feet up. Let's not talk about the fact that they are not allowed in the barn without an adult. Full of sympathy for the poor child I sent him back outside once I made sure he hadn't broken it. Not 10 minutes later Calvin comes in screaming about how Fudge poked him in the eye with a stick. I know what your thinking, not really in the eye, Calvin is just being dramatic. That's what I thought too, but no it actually did happen. Luckily for everyone Calvin closed his eye and Fudge hit his eyelid.

I think that childhood should be described as series of near misses.

up.

It's early here on the farm, I have been up for some time, someone was snoring... must of been the dogs. Right.

Things around here are okay, busy, exhausting at moments but we are all doing well in the general scheme of things. School seems to be going a little better, there have been some meetings with staff about behaviour and emotional verses chronological age. It seems to of helped. We have an IEP meeting this afternoon, I may feel less positive after that,
but perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised.

We are all eagerly awaiting the reappearance of spring, it was spring and then it started snowing the other day, we have had more snow in April then we did in all of March! It makes for wet kids and sad tulip bulbs. The weather is supposed to turn for the weekend and I have all my fingers crossed that it does.

I hear footsteps upstairs, it is almost as if Calvin has an internal alarm that lets him know the mornings that I am up early, he always seems to wake long before the regular time if I am awake. On that I should be off but before I go there are some pictures for ya'll.

Last weekend JoVE and Tigger came of to make pysanka, it was a lot of fun and the kids really enjoyed it. I am hoping that we can make some more before the end of the week.

ohhh, ohhh I almost forgot, if you come here because you are an adoptive parent or are interested in how adoption effects parents or you feel as though you are the only adoptive parent in the world who has wanted to strangle your sweet children you need to go and read this journal article, then you need to pass it on so that others realise that they are not the only ones. It is also available on the JSW website but you need to member or sign up to be a member and it is free from authors site. While you there read up on Beyond Consequences... it's brilliant.

Here are the pictures

It's official now!
with the california cousins

making memories

It was a lot of fun

We went bowling with friends

Some of us were not so good at rolling the ball

They loved the drum at the museum

and the puppets
and the tractors


and I loved the day old lamb, I need one or two or half a dozen

Done

Thank you for all you kind words and good wishes as we celebrated last week. It was a good day and fabulous weekend with my sister and her kids. It is quiet here this morning, very quiet and I am enjoying a latte and some silence. Here are some pictures from our weekend to entertain you while I enjoy the quiet for a few more hours.

* ETA*
Never mind, blogger doesn't seem to want to play with me today, I would have to upload the pics one at a time and I do not have the time or the patience for that. I will make it to the coffee shop tomorrow afternoona and spend some time uploading them there.

It's all good.

I have been saying that for years and this morning I found myself remembering that sometimes it is just that - all good.

I woke up this morning at 6:30, glanced out the window and saw the most beautiful sunrise, it was amazing, knowing it was going to be a long day I rolled over and got a little more sleep. The boys got up happy and excited about the coming days and it was a pleasure to get them off to school. I heard birds this morning, not just one or two but a springtime chorus of birds singing as I took the dogs outside. It was a good start to the day and caused me to stop and think for a few minutes about the last year of our lives.

Last year at this time I was plowing through a homestudy and feeding puppies at all hours. I was dreaming and wondering about kids, foster kids, adopted kids, little feet and voices in our house. I wondered what it would be like to be a parents to more then a pack of animals I called my children. Could I do it? Would I be a good Mom? Who would be here? What would there stories be?

If you had asked me then where I would today I probably would not of known what to say. Life has a way of taking the path you least expect when you least expect it. When the social worker first told of us the boys I said no - I didn't want a separated sibling group, I wanted the whole group. Then she told us again about them and I let go of my expectations, I let go of what I thought about what it was that I wanted and I decided to trust that whatever kids ended up here were the ones that needed to be here. I heard more about my boys, more about their story, the things that they would needed, the things they liked and the things they disliked and I knew that these were the boys for us.

In July we met 2 sweet boys, one very scared of yet another move and one who needed to fill the silence with his words and actions. Those little boys needed a family and we were it. 2 weeks later they moved in. It has been a long 8 months, it has not been easy and I never for a moment thought it would be but I do not regret a minute of it either.

Calvin helped me hang laundry on the line today and I thought to myself about how far he has come in the last few months, what a different little boy he is now. Fudge got organised with a minimal amount of prompting yesterday - a huge step for him - he ahs changed so much from the little boy who wouldn't even talk to me when we met. They have grown in the last 8 months, physically of courses, as all children do. But more importantly emotionally, they are more sure of themselves, many behaviours have disappeared or only come out when they are stressed. They believe us when we say that they are staying, they don't ask when they are moving anymore. They are excited to meet new family and friends instead of just terrified, like they were in the summer. They look forward to and talk about our future together as a family. It's all good.

Tomorrow we go to court, we get the stamps and that is it, they will be ours or we will be theirs depending on your point of view. It's going to be a good day with lots of celebrating and enjoying being together. My sister is coming from sunny California and we will gather with family and friends to celebrate again on Friday.

I'll be back next week with pictures and such. It's family first around here for the next few days. It's all good though.

Because she is fabulous

She, being my older sister (who is flying here all the way from sunny CA next week to be here for the boys adoption day) asked me to tell you all about this really fun thing that my BIL is doing. Since he's a great guy and since it is a fun project I think you should click on through and take a look. If you are a twitter addict you might really like some of the cool stuff you can do using both programs, go read the blog to find out more.
The kid channel is lots of fun if you have small people who like little bits of songs or have short attention spans ( not that I would know any of those).

spring madness

Spring has sprung here and that means that I would rather be outside than in at the computer, that and it is March Break which means that the boys are home, which means I am outside.

We all survived camp and had lots fun and way to much sugar! We are having a fairly quiet week around here. Epic games of monopoly, seed planting, dentist appts for me and Calvin ( I now have some very pricey crowns that I have needed for a long time and C is about to get a retainer), therapy and yesterday we went out with firends to Mer Bleu and watch chickadees eat seed out of the boys hands - fantastic! (I'll show you as soon as S. emails me the pictures - hint, hint, hint)

To keep you amused here are some pictures - there has been lots of talk about adoption day this week and the conversations cause much stress that is then relieved in typical little boy fashion - being silly. This was Monday night.

In 10 minutes or less.

I have 10 minutes to post and then I have to get myself out the door because Fudge has play therapy this morning and then Calvin has attachment therapy this afternoon and I am insane for booking them both in the same day - there really wasn't any other choices this week. I wanted to post though so here I am.

• Tara was here from Sudan I drove into the big city for dinner and knitting. It was great fun. I miss knitting with friends but the drive seems like such a long one now that I am busy with small people.
• The sock that I have been knitting since July now has a heel, yes since July. There has been little knitting around here.
• Fudge told us last night that he "purple diarrhea", we were a little taken aback and then realised he meant verbal diarrhea. He also told P. that the violence in the guided imagery on his ipod needed to be changed. P was confused and talked to him about the violence and where it was in the recording - he meant violin.
• I got to go seed shopping with Jo and company this weekend, I love planning the garden, it makes me happy for spring.
• We are going to cub camp this weekend, I am bringing my pillow ( new and very comfy) and buying some earplugs to block out the snoring leaders.
• We had some lovely spring like weather this weekend and I was lulled into a false sense of spring. It snowed yesterday and will be cold again later this week.
• It looks as though (cross your fingers) the adoption will go through at the end of the month, the paperwork has all now been filed and we are just waiting for a time to show up. We keep telling the boys the boys that they will stamp our family name on their foreheads, they don't believe us.
• Calvin earned his badge at cubs this week, if I had known how happy it would make him I would of pushed him a little harder to get it done. Nothing like seeing a little man very proud of his accomplishments.

There's more but time is up, I'll be back but probably not before spending a weekend sleeping on the floor.

this ones good!

Let me set the stage:

A sunny but cold Sunday afternoon in the country, 2 boys are playing nicely in the yard of the old farm house. The dogs are barking at the kids and Mom is in the house making dinner. Mom decided to take advantage of the calm while the roast cooks and heads upstairs to watch the remainder of last nights movie ( the one that got turned off due to exhaustion) She is happily watching the movie with P, she hears the children come in and out a few times but they are happy. The movie ends, she decides to change into a t shirt and just as she is doing that the bedroom door flies open - the child is reminded that closed doors mean that you need to knock first. The child clothes the door and knocks, I say to wait, he says it's really important!!!! I need you right now. We leave the bedroom wondering they have gotten themselves into this time.

"Fudge is bleeding" Calvin says ( remember he is Calvin for reason)
"Why is Fudge bleeding? " I ask calmly
"Because he stuck his tongue to the metal pole"
" He did WHAT!"
By which point I had reached Fudge and he was indeed bleeding, he didn't just stick his tongue to the cold metal pole he stuck his tongue and his lip to the pole and then pulled himself off. We calmed him down, got the bleeding to slow a bit so we could asses the damage and as the crisis passed I asked Fudge if he knew what would happen when he stuck his tongue on a cold metal pole - wait for it...

"Yes" he says " I did it once at school when I was 5"
"So what on earth would make you do it again" says the reasonably calm parent.
"Calvin told me to" he says

Fudge got ice cream for dinner.

Calvin is in trouble, Calvin knew damn well what he was up to. Calvin has to clean the boys room, he is banned from the playroom for a week and had to surrender his new favourite stuffie. I think, given that he did not have a tantrum as the punishment was decided, (with his input) that he understands that he made a really poor choice this time around.